Quick answer: List every recurring chore, note how often it happens and roughly how many minutes it takes, then multiply to get minutes per week. Split the total time, not the number of tasks, as close to your agreed ratio as possible, and count planning work like meal plans and bills. Review the split every few months.
Arguments about chores are rarely about one dirty pan. They’re about a feeling that the work isn’t shared fairly. The fix is to make the work visible, then divide it on purpose. This guide shows a simple time-based method with a full worked example.
Step 1: List every chore (yes, all of them)
Sit down together for 20 minutes and write every recurring job your home needs. Don’t forget the invisible ones:
- Daily: cooking, dishes, tidying, pet care
- Weekly: laundry, grocery shopping, vacuuming, bathrooms, bins
- Monthly: bills, deep cleans, car care, changing bed sheets
- Planning work: meal plans, remembering birthdays, booking appointments, ordering refills
That last group is often called the mental load: the remembering, planning and organising that happens before anyone lifts a sponge. Guides from relationship experts consistently point out that it’s easy to miss, and that it tends to land on one partner. Writing it down is the first step to sharing it.
Step 2: Estimate time and frequency
For each chore, estimate minutes per occurrence and how many times a week it happens. Rough numbers are fine. Then multiply:
Weekly minutes = minutes each time × times per week
A monthly job can be counted as a quarter per week (for example, 60 minutes a month ≈ 15 minutes a week).
Step 3: Split by time, not task count
Counting tasks is where most chore charts go wrong. “I do five chores and you do five” sounds fair until one list is cooking every night and the other is taking out the bins.
Instead, add up the weekly minutes and divide them. A 50/50 split is a good default, but if one partner works far more paid hours, you might agree on 60/40. The point is that you both agree, and you both know the numbers.
Worked example: 770 minutes a week, split 50/50
Here’s one couple’s weekly chore list:
| Chore | Minutes each time | Times per week | Weekly minutes |
|---|---|---|---|
| Cooking dinner | 45 | 7 | 315 |
| Dishes | 20 | 7 | 140 |
| Laundry | 60 | 2 | 120 |
| Grocery shopping | 60 | 1 | 60 |
| Vacuuming and mopping | 45 | 1 | 45 |
| Cleaning the bathroom | 30 | 1 | 30 |
| Bills and admin | 30 | 1 | 30 |
| Meal planning | 20 | 1 | 20 |
| Taking out the bins | 5 | 2 | 10 |
| Total | 770 |
770 minutes is about 12 hours 50 minutes of housework a week. A 50/50 split means 385 minutes each.
Here’s the split they agreed on:
| Partner A | Minutes | Partner B | Minutes |
|---|---|---|---|
| Cooking, 4 nights (4 × 45) | 180 | Cooking, 3 nights (3 × 45) | 135 |
| Laundry | 120 | Dishes, every night | 140 |
| Cleaning the bathroom | 30 | Grocery shopping | 60 |
| Bills and admin | 30 | Vacuuming and mopping | 45 |
| Meal planning | 20 | ||
| Bins | 10 | ||
| Total | 390 | Total | 380 |
390 + 380 = 770, which is 50.6% and 49.4%: close enough to call it even. Notice that Partner A has more tasks but Partner B does the heavy daily job of dishes, and that planning work (bills, meal planning) is counted rather than assumed.
Step 4: Assign by preference, then fill the gaps
Before you divide the remaining chores, each pick the jobs you don’t mind or even enjoy. Many people find one chore oddly satisfying. Then:
- Swap the jobs you both dislike on a rota, weekly or monthly.
- Pair up for the big ones. A Saturday deep clean with music goes faster together.
- Drop what doesn’t matter. If neither of you cares about ironing towels, stop doing it.
Step 5: Agree what “done” means
A lot of friction comes from different standards. Does “kitchen cleaned” include wiping the counters and emptying the sink strainer? Spend five minutes defining done for your trickiest chores, so nobody is redoing anyone else’s work.
Step 6: Make it visible and review it
A split only works if you can both see it. Put your chores on a shared list so either of you can check what’s left without asking, and set reminders for the ones that are easy to forget (bins night, bills, changing sheets).
Then revisit the split every few months, or whenever life changes: a new job, a baby, an injury, exam season. Fair isn’t fixed; it’s something you keep agreeing on.
Tips to keep the peace
- Thank each other for chores done, even the routine ones.
- Don’t supervise. If it’s their job, let them do it their way, within the agreed “done”.
- Use the list, not your voice. A shared checklist replaces “did you remember to…?” texts.
- Mix chores with fun. Put a date night on the same list so it’s not all work. Our cheap date night ideas at home are a good start.
Want a starter list of home tasks? Choose “Home & chores” in our free couples to do list maker. For the bigger picture of planning together, read how to make a couples to do list.
Share your chores in Togetherly
In Togetherly, chores live on one shared list that syncs to both phones in real time. Add each task, give it a date and time, and get reminders for each one, so the list does the remembering instead of either of you. When it’s done, tick it off and it moves to Done for both of you.
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